Bereft - This goodnight's kiss

Honey, where are you tonight?
The stars are aligned and I
can feel your fire in my soul.
The light show of
lovesick lullabies
kept me awake for hours -
you...flashing through my memories,
tearing flawless attention
and stealing heartbeats away.
With you, when morning comes
I'd still be waiting for
a kiss goodnight.

I must admit, I'd never been so
in love before
passion burns and I'm cremated
by moonlight - shining on a
million dances and a thousand melodies
all caught on my breast.
It catches the whispers,
prayers glistening on my pillow
of what I wish to dream that night -

Je souhaite pour
les fleurs de lune
de son souffle angélique


star swinger, could you swing
some stars down to me?
It's lonely without fireflies
where lips meet my skin.
Granted, they still blink softly
on my fingertips, but I
still love to call your name.
lyrical or not, my cry still
means
Je t'aime, mon aime



translation:
1 - I wish for the moon flowers of his angelic breath.
2 - I love you, my love.

Comments & reviews · 3
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julimartin Review

This poem has some stunning lyricism. However, that middle stanza to me, feels somewhat contrived. It also doesn't flow the same way as the rest of the poem. The rhythm in that section is more staccato - not sure if you intended it to be that way. I love the line "Star swinger..."
Overall, a beautiful piece. Just could use a little tweaking here and there.

User avatar
Dream Deep
Review

Very very very good. Gorgeous, beautiful. (Did I mention pretty?)

Just one question. *grins*

You don't happen to like writing 'long lost love/current i love you' poems and the like, do you? :lots_hearts:

Anyway, great job!

User avatar
Skye
Review
Skye wrote a review · Wed May 10, 2006 10:37 pm

Wow. This was absolutely amazing! The parts in French are beautifully written, and sound especially good in such a gorgeous language. I'm sorry that I really have nothing to critique, but this was really very good! I look forward to reading more of your work! ^.^



the day belongs to expectations but the night belongs to me
— canopy